Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Thoughts Written

I don't know how do I feel
Deep inside
It's crawling up to my skin
But not into my mind yet
I'm actually depressed right now. 
Perhaps when I wrote this alone in a dark room
I will feel it.
I'm so stupid to allow myself to feel it.
Do people hear my problems?
I question this every single time.
But my mind in clouded with a lot of shit.
Even I myself don't listen.
I don't even know my source of sadness and my happiness anymore
Perhaps I just put a mask on.
Wear it and act it.
But at the end of the day it's back to me feeling like shit all day.
It's overbearing, sad, depressing, anxiety at all figure.
I want to just let go of this burden.
I'm sick of the pretentious me.
I'm sick of myself.
I'm sick of just being sad.
It's always you are thinking so much.
Saying it will be fine,
Saying it will be okay.
But at the end of the day, talk is easy 
But nonetheless everyone forgets that 
Action speak louder than words.
Easy to said but not easy to be done.
I don't know how much longer I can bear this
I don't know if I'm even lost at the blank edge.
I need escape, screw it I want escape.
Still can't achieve it myself.
Cause it's a stereotypical world that needed achievers
Why they can't see that most teenage are not happy.
Fuck studies. I'm tired and I'm done
I'm just so sick of everything.
I'm just drowning and the worst part...
I'm losing me.

HJY

Saturday, July 19, 2014

Overthinking it.

What up what up? Well today has been probably one of the most depressing days of my life. I don't know what's wrong with me but since the morning I feel like everything is just wrong. I knew it was wrong when I don't even wanna look at people. Probably it's depression episode. Well today is the day where we got my sem 2 results. It's was really ugly or even look at my phone. IN conclusion! It's not something that I'm really proud off. At that moment in school, when I got that text, I feel like crying, but at the same time I feel like it's not even worth to cry and if you are thinking that the result is causing my depression. Nope. I feel like a small fraction of it was affecting my mental state of mind. I was reading this one famous novel that was like hit right now.  The Fault in Our Stars. It was really a good read personally although it contains a lot of literature that caught me on blur mode but it really had the essence to make you sob. I was so into the sad chapter book and the mood of it plus my sucking horrible results I just shed tears after reading Issac's and Hazel's eulogy ( funeral speech ) to what a great person Augustus is. For me it's like heart breaking cause after 8 days, Gus dies and my heart breaks cause Gus was a great character in TFIOS. Even typing this with my iPad mini now has bring tears to my eyes because I can probably feel how Hazel feel when you met someone extraordinary in your life and he end up dead after a short period of his extraordinariance with his character. Depression is just my side effect. Reality wise I feel like I'm bringing a double persona to myself, at home I'm just this antisocial ball of awkwardness, and full of heavy thoughts when you are alone. I can help it since, I'm getting older more problems began to occur and I have less best friend to talk too. It's just when I'm with people I bring my home and public persona with me. My public is what I wanna be because I'm not alone, I'm constantly in brave face, YOLO, socially awesome and happy go lucky state. But today the sad part is I bought 90 % of Home Joey with me. I don't want to even talk to people. Ever since moving to the corner of the class I keep zoning off to the window, not to see hot lads or anything just that I'm can't concentrate, I have like this short span of attention to things and plus annoying heads to distract my view it's just hard to even focus at all & I get easily bored and this is Saggitarrius habit since they where like this. Class wasn't as interesting now as it used to be back then. Perhaps TFIOS was the culprit of my mental state of my mind today, I was too caught up with the storyline of the book therefore it, home Joey has conquered me. I'm thankful that today many people is concerned about my wellbeing since I looked so unhappy and all. Even My girlfriend tried to cheer me up since she know I'm not being myself today. Deep down, I know I have a problem but it's like I can't tell it or express it out. I just chose to ignore it like a cancer that slowly will eat me up. I need help but who can? Cause even the closest one don't understand me completely. I'm just stuck in to a round circle and I hope it will be path soon cause. It sucks being in dilemma and being unhappy. If you read this and concern for me, thank you but I'm okay I guess. Just pray for my well being then. Till then haengsho!!

XOXO
Joey Hon 😘

Thursday, April 18, 2013

I m back~~~~~

Hello me readers how are you?
Mang this blog has been super dusty! TT I'm super sorry I haven't been updating lately! Chincha jeongmal mianhaeyo.
Oh yeah so are curious with my well being lately?
Well I'm doing fine actually...I'm going to enroll form 6 next month..
Finally after months of discovering what I am going to do. I think its best for me to study form 6 at first on think on finally.
Well I m currently in KL living with my aunt, uncle, cousin n my 2 crazy cute nephews lol they are my precious tbh hahaha i love them like everything. kkk thinking about my future when i have kids someday.... lol
You must be thinking why I'm in KL aite? Well I'm learning nail art, its fun to be honest. but then super hard -.-" haihhhhh.. I ain't pro like my cousin though -_-  she has a shop here in KL.
So what I been doing this few months missing in my blog?
Well i been in twitter FYI, I'm busy with working for that stupid GD WORLD TOUR.  -_-
All his items its tempting okay. i wanna kill myself for working too hard later seriously..but then Im fine lol, all this days i think i can collect around 1K just to make earn for GD merch lol.
Yeah I'm insane but that y i hate the Gold Digger -.-"
but then he's good to be invested on.
Oh yeah Im met him on GOLDEN DISK AWARD THAT DAY AND IM MOTHER FUCKEN LUCKY TO BE OH SO FUCKEN NEAR WITH HIM. HAHAHAHA
LOL not so near to be exact hahaha its just the red carpet. if I wanna fangirl rant here you will die reading my long story.
Oh yeah I met 2NE1 too in KLCC TTAlive it was like super awesome kkk. I got a flower from Caprice. and 2NE1 was super awesome. The best part was like BACKSTREET BOYS okay they are like my childhood crush I still remember i was so into Nick Carter. HE IS SO SUPER HOT. I GOT A LOT OF EYE CONTACT WITH THEM T^T if only BIGBANG does that in Alive Tour that day I WOULD TOTALLY OFFER MY OVARIES -.-" okay I m like so funny hahaha.
Hey talking about job. I did assistant teacher job edy. but its like super boring to be honest my 1st day is like boring but then my 3rd n last day would be fun but then I missed the 3 year old. haih. I miss Doreen the Hello Kitty girl n Ye Zhe kkk. he has seungri hair kkk. and Anton the energy ball..I also missed Jia Yi..she and her sister are the 1st person that greeted me are those two.
Haih so now today Im taking my break..lol spending time blogging and reading fanfic. I also miss my buddy especially mita i wonder how is she doing now....T^T I miss em....
Okay I will blog more soon okay. TTYL! JAI ZIEN! ANNYEONG

XOXO
Joey Hon